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SUPERMAN RERUNS
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THE “IF THIS MOVIE BANGED THAT MOVIE” PITCH
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Kate Bosworth
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James Marsden
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Frank Langella
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Parker Posey
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MOVIE’S PEDIGREE
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From the Director of:
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The Usual Suspects
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X-men 1 & 2
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Apt Pupil
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From the Producers of:
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Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
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The Shaggy Dog
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Son of the Mask
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Wild Wild West
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Caddyshack II
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Scooby-Doo
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Constantine
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Ghost Ship
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Godzilla
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Batman
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From the Writers of:
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Urban Legends: Bloody Mary
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X-men 2: United
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The Triangle
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From the Actors of:
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Good Night, and Good Luck
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Dazed and Confused
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Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!
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10:5: Apocalypse
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American Beauty
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L.A Confidential
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Blade:Trinity
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Gilmore Girls
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Zoolander
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Bella Mafia
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Blue Crush
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Undressed
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WHY THIS GOT THE GREENLIGHT
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Because it would make a ton of money!
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As early as 1996 scripts are being written by various screenwriters including Kevin Smith, a major comic book uber-fan.
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The greenlight is given! It’s on! So what’s the problem?
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Superman is scared of green the color of Kryptonite, his only vulnerability.
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Let’s take a look at Superman’s long return to the big screen.
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WHY IT TOOK SO LONG
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Meanwhile...
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And so...
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Meanwhile...
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And so...
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2004
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For some reason McG, the man behind Cypress Hill:Still Smokin’ and Charlie’s Angels is brought in to get the Man of Steel airborne.
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Meanwhile...
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When there is more than 2 writers for the movie.
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When there is no mention of “from the director of....”
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It doesn’t one-up the prequels it sequels.
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You feel like you’ve seen all this before.
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WHAT YOU’VE ALREADY TOLD YOURSELF ABOUT THIS MOVIE
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“Another superhero movie?”
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“Is this Smallville: The Movie?”
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“That guy kinda looks like Christopher Reeve.”
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“Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor? Yeah, that could work.”
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THE TITLE OF THIS MOVIE MAKES ME THINK...
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Superman has returned.
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THE POSTER FOR THIS MOVIE MAKES ME THINK...
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Who’s in this movie?
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Is Superman still using that same logo design?
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THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC
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Hardcore Superman fans.
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Kids 10 - 25 who have never seen a Superman movie in the theater.
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Kids 10 - 25 who don’t know that there have been 4 other Superman movies.
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PROOF FROM THE PREVIEW THE MOVIE’S WORTH SEEING
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CGI effects look great!
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After seeing An Inconvienent Truth, it would be great to see footage of ice caps that aren’t melting.
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Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor could actually work.
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Not since 2001: A Space Odyssey has foreground framing been so masterfully accomplished.
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The flying looks real!
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PROOF FROM THE PREVIEW THE MOVIE’S NOT WORTH SEEING
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So...
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Filming finally begins, and meanwhile...
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On June 28th 2006 everyone finds out if the struggle was worth it.
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THE FORMULAIC EXPECTED PLOT AS TAKEN FROM THE PREVIEW
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After the events of Superman II - where he fought and defeated 3 other supermen lead by general Zod - Superman leaves earth and goes into outer space to discover if he is in in fact the last survivor of Krypton.
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6 years later he returns to find that some things have changed.
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1) Lois Lane has had a bastard son out of wedlock and is planning to marry her baby’s daddy.
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2) Metropolis has learned to live without his superhero ways.
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3) Lex Luthor, now out of prison and rich, has a master plan in motion to destroy the world.
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We’re still suppose to accept that a pair of glasses, a new hair style and a change of outfit are all it takes to fool people.
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Wow! Lex Luthor has found Superman’s Fortress of Solitude?
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Wait, that happened in Superman II already.
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Prevents a plane crash (yawn).
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Some moments still look fake.
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TOTAL BOX OFFICE PREDICTION
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Reasons why the “surprise” will be that Superman is the real baby’s daddy.
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1) Similarly parted hair.
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2) Similar expressions when talking.
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3) Summer Blockbuster movie would not endorse woman having son out of wedlock - only Summer Blockbuster movie stars do.
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4) Would tie in with the thematic journey of Superman: He thinks he is the last of his kind after discovering that there are no other Kryptonians in the universe.
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SEE THESE INSTEAD
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PLACE IN CINEMATIC HISTORY
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With a resume as sparse and impressive as James Cameron’s, Singer has proven over and over that he has the golden touch of quality. He knows how to craft complete cinematic experiences that evolve the art of cinema as well as entertain audiences.
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Second, this one gets a Worthy because Superman is finally going to get the special effects he deserves.
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27 years ago, Superman was the first comic book hero to make the leap to the big screen (let’s not count the 60’s Batman movie and the 70’s Spiderman movie). And watching the first Superman you really had to suspend disbelief to buy that he was using any of his superpowers.
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Not now. Superman is really going to look legit flying through the air, using his laser eyes and blowing cold breath.
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Other than that, be prepared for story that you’ve seen before, actors that look like genetic matches of the actors from the previous movies and sentimental cold war 1950’s notions of good and evil.
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This movie isn’t made so much to push the envelope as it is to fill up the envelope with 19 years worth of pent up blue balled box office dollars waiting to be sphinctered by an audience that’s been teased with Superman sequel starts and stops for the last 15 years.
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Maybe, if this one does well, the sequel will attempt something a little more daring and original.
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In the meantime, enjoy this “reintroduction” to the universe of Superman. Don’t expect anything revolutionary, like The Matrix, just be happy the Man of Steel is back in action and in good hands.
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LITTLE KNOWN FACT
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Spacey attended, with Hoffman, James Lipton’s “Diabolical Villans” workshop taught by The Predator in order to perfect their bad guy screams.
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DO THIS INSTEAD
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FEEL LIKE A SUPERHERO! Take a pencil and roll it towards the end of the table, let it fall off and before it hits the ground catch it!
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POUR YOURSELF a glass of soda. Don’t put ice in it. Instead, set the glass on the table and blow on it using Superman freeze breath.
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FROM THIS MOMENT forward, every time anyone, no matter who they are, shakes your hand, squeeze their hand like a vice. Let go when you notice:
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1) A tear in their eye
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2) Their arm growing pale
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3) Their finger bones crunch.
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Hopefully, they’ll say, “It’s like I was shaking Superman’s hand!”
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IN A PUBLIC PLACE yell, “Look, up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s plane, no, it’s Superman!!!”
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Keep track of how long it takes for people to stop ignoring you or, how long it takes for the police to arrive.
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